Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
