I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
