There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
