what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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