Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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