things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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