I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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