Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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