I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
