im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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