you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's blow job season.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
