She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
