if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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