i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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