ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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