Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
