haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
