Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
