Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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