I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
