Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
