Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
