I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
