I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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