Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
