i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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