I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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