the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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