He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize