New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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