The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
