I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
