I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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