Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
