Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
