Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
