..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
