we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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