IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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