dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
as a side note pls kill me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
