Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
