just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
handjob tips. give me some.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize
