you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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