now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize