i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
