I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
