omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize