the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
