dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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