Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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