fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
