do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
