put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
