is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
