So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
