you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
