there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
