A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize