your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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