if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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