Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
