shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize