I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
