That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
