To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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