Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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