how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
