i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
