Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
