new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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