i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
