Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
