In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
420 ftw
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
