yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
