if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
