i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
