Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
