Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
