i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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