chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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