Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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