just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize