I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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