Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
