Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
