Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
