That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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