I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
