toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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