I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
