you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
