who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
