He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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