Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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