when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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