exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
