No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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