I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
