Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
