They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
