And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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