he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
