I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
